I got this insight when responding to the blog of another Parenting on Track person:
I so feel this [a struggle] about courage [as a big C]! I think I enjoy being able to be there for my 2 year old when she’s struggling (oh, I hadn’t worded it that way before…!), and it’s less satisfying for ME to watch and not help. Even though it has the potential to be so much more satisfying to her. And hence satisfying to me from afar.
Weird...and while reading that again, I thought: "But I CONNECT with her when I help her." Whoa! I don't want helping to be the way we connect...or...wait, I DO want her to help around the house, help us as a family and as people, and I DO like the idea of helping others in general. In fact, I do like the idea of connecting with others by helping them. But, things get a little fuzzy about when to help. Hm, not only is it less satisfying to not go and help, it's also more frustrating to just watch.
Yep, definitely entangled in ways I don't need to be! (haven't I noticed this before? And i suppose i might just have to notice it again, and again, and perhaps lots more than that, as it sinks in for real....)
Maybe it's time to try sitting back and letting her do her own thing, and connecting in a more quiet way, a trustful way.
Stay On the Couch
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… and watch a movie. Hello again. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt
like writing here. Of course a lot has happened while I’ve been away, I
just haven’...
5 years ago
Hey L, just back from vacation and read a week's worth at once. You have got tons of great, dense stuff going on there! We have got to get together to discuss in real life. So much fun, isn't it??
ReplyDeleteThat it is! So glad your example encouraged me to start writing about it. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd interesting to say, that after thinking about this, I realized that sometimes helping her IS okay. She's SUCH a power child, she LOVES doing things for herself, but she also really enjoys helping others, and I think getting help when she asks for it nicely. When she asks and I say no, it's been really upsetting for her. So, though sometime I get in her way, I feel like part of whats happening right now is letting her take her own pace and trusting her timing AS WELL AS giving her chances to help out and do things on her own more and more.
ReplyDeleteI am much more at peace with this approach, even while I still hold the ambiguities of the thoughts above in my mind, and am glad to have them.