Week Seven: Sleeptime roadmap take 2

Time for a new roadmap! We've reached the goal of not crying/tantruming at least sometimes (most of the time), and that's great. Now instead she dawdles on her book. This feels like a power move on her part...this girl LOVES calling the shots! She'll get creative and start to play imaginary games with me, too. On the one hand, I appreciate all her creativity and resourcefulness, but on the other hand, shes not internally moving towards sleep (that I can tell).

It definitely helps to assert a little power here, the power of clear boundaries and of not engaging in any conflict-like behaviors: no books taken to bed (tends to drag things out), no water breaks (she has a water bottle in bed), just repeating that it's bedtime now in a calm, assertive fashion. Can that help with noodling? Maybe it'll just take time to have her adapt to the one book rule. Maybe we'll start just doing one read through by adult and one by child, so it's predictable It's tough, 'cause none of this (besides a timer or clock) really deals with noodling directly.Sometimes I'll talk about what we'll do tomorrow. I've thought about a timer, or telling her when the clock is at such-and-such a position it's bedtime, even if the book isn't finished, but I'm not really sure yet. Maybe she'll like knowing what's coming, but it seems like it could just make her feel tense and rushed (it can do that to me!). I'm aiming for more of a sense of flow. Just know that the roadmap is still on the table.

Maybe for now, make bedtime a time to connect (since she loves to tell stories more than be read to, maybe finish not with her reading a book, but with telling her a story about Fiora's day and our plans for tomorrow), to let her know she counts (hmmmmm), to tell her how much I admire how capable she is (at sleeping), and to admire her courage at finding ways to engage with bedtime/sleeptime (she objects to the lullaby, but maybe a simple nighttime prayer).... And celebrate in the morning what a great sleeper she is (erm, notice it?). In this case, I really do feel pulled to put value on sleep! Gosh, I loved rewording this in terms of the 4 crucial C's.

in some ways, I'm not sure we're any better off than we were before, when we just put her to bed with some screaming and wailing and no process! (She still slept well.) Well, okay, no, it's nice to have less drama, but I'm still thinking about how good sleep is, and finding ways to help her embrace it. May not happen, but I'm gonna keep talking about it with/around her!

Addendum: Last night, Fiora read her book then said, "Your turn!" So sweet. I let her read it again after I read it to her (she stayed engaged, I asked her questions and tried to keep my zen mind about me), and she noodled a bit but we'd started early so I didn't mind. After she was done (hurrah! You finished the book!), I talked to her about what we'd done yesterday, and our plans for tomorrow, and she rested her head on my shoulder by the time her bed was ready...surrendering to sleep before she was in bed. :) Baby steps, baby steps.

As an aside, I gotta say this approach is helping me assess my OWN life so much (I think I've mentioned this before ;) ). I didn't sleep well night before last. I was wired when I went to bed, even though it was a little late, and then I woke up around 2am. Thinking back to what I did last night: ate fresh chocolate cake that Brian had just taken out of the oven, topped with vanilla ice cream. "Forgot" to eat that salad I had planned on luxuriating in. Yeah, i don't want to do that again! I woke up exhausted, though recharged in the idea of helping Fiora get all the sleep she needs - it's been a lousy morning as a tired person! I'm sure I've eaten lousy food right before bed before, but I've never bothered to NOTICE what I was doing, or how I was responding. And today I'm still tired, but I realize that recovering from sleep loss doesn't happen in one night. Gotta say, it DOES feel good to have the potential to keep this lousy tired feeling from happening.