I heard about these when Vicki came to talk at Mother's Connection of Farmington in May of 2009. We made one family roadmap when I came home, and I was never quite satisfied with it, so it was great to get a chance to make a new one. Or several. Because I ended up making one for bedtime routine (currently its smooth, but she's always upset when bedtime is announced, she cried - I mentioned tantruming last night, but really she just cries; DH started inviting her to say goodnight to the dogs, and that interrupts the crying at least partially, which has been great, but she's still sad and arguing to get out of bedtime; and we've added some routine to bedtime - PJ's and bedtime diaper, then brushing teeth (which she loves), then a book, then bedtime - I think I like the routine more than she does, and the nights we don't use it i don't see a difference, but she does enjoy all the steps). And DH mentioned wanting something to deal with the "bottleneck" that happens when he gets her home from daycare and she won't take off her boots and coat downstairs when he asks her to.
So....
STarting Place (bedtime):
ME: Starting place: distracted and impatient, tired
FI: Starting place: receptive, likes to help, enjoys being independent and capable, doesn't like having choices made for her, small tantrum every bedtime
Goal ending place:
ME: centered and strong, present and connected
FI: enjoys being part of our family rhythm, noticing her own internal rhythems, makes healthy choices
GOAL: have one peaceful bedtime this week
PLAN: read books about bedtime (one book is parent's choice...if need to read it at the dinner table, can do that...or in the morning...read it out loud even if she says she isn't interested)...talk more about sleepiness, about how much I value sleeping and why (again, not necessarily directly to her)...ask Fiora how sleepy she is (from 1 to 10, though this may not work well as she's not really strong on her numbers yet, I still like the idea of inviting her to assess her own sleepiness)...practice diffierent lullabies, let her pick one...
Starting place (getting home):
BRI: Impatient, busy
FI: obstructive? unwilling
Goal ending place:
BRI: Supportive and constructive
FI: willing contributor
GOAL: Fiora takes off boots and coat when she comes home without resisting once this week
PLAN: Bri will let her know where he'll be (upstairs in kitchen) and that she can join him once she's got her boots and coat off (she gets her space, he gets his)...if she comes upstairs without taking them off, he'll take her back down and state the requirement for coming upstairs without judging...don't remind her anymore (she resents reminders once she start to get the hang of routine!)...hang coat hook for Fiora (craft box?) downstairs
Can I just say I love the clarity these roadmaps just created for me?
Stay On the Couch
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… and watch a movie. Hello again. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt
like writing here. Of course a lot has happened while I’ve been away, I
just haven’...
5 years ago
These roadmaps clarified another goal for me: for ME to be more aware of my internal body rhythms, and to make healthy choices! I thought of this last night as I was staying up too late and eating some ice cream before bed.... ;) And I've thought of it vaguely since Fiora was 6 or 9 months of age and cried every bedtime, because neither Bri nor I are good at getting to bed on time, and both of us have mild insomnia with some regularity...so, it's been something I'd been hoping to model more successfully for Fiora anyway (and odd thought, since she's in bed by the time we are making these choices, but still I reckon it's relevant). Perhaps by talking to (near) Fiora about these issues, I'll be able to help myself, too....
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteI just found your site and had the best time reading through all your posts. With so many people blogging it has been hard to keep up, but this made my morning. It's wonderful stuff. I am glad that the program aligns with your personal philosophy and intuitive nature. Thank you for sharing all your insights, successes, questions, etc. Vicki
Hm, could also take a mock nap on a weekend, and be cranky when Fiora won't let me sleep and talk about how not sleeping makes me cranky...don't know if that would work, it would be hard not to make it a game with her, 'cause she'll try to do that!
ReplyDeleteAwww, thanks, Vicki! It gets me all fired up to hear that. :)
ReplyDeleteBy the way, Fiora came home tonight and took off her boots and coat - Bri wasn't even tempted to remind her! now to hang that hanger for her tomorrow....