End of month review

There was an interesting forum about sibling rivalry which I enjoyed, but since we've only the one daughter i haven't had to really deal with any. Fi's biggest issue right now is that she loves assigning different objects (even different slices of the pizza!) to different people, and gets upset if her assignments are changed, though she doesn't mind it if she changes them! I've been going along with her, like a game, but I'm thinking sometimes it might be better if I acknowledge her effort and point out that people can pick whichever piece of pizza they like! And sharing stuff she really likes and thinks is hers...but that seems pretty natural.

My biggest breakthrough recently has been really learning to be encouraging with myself. I used to have such roller-coaster emotions after noticing something we, as a family, were doing well, I just thought I had to get used to the ride! Hearing another mom describe something similar, I immediately thought, "You need to be encouraging with yourself!" Naturally, after that, I realized I had to walk the walk (yet again!). And it's SO COOL to have permission to be encouraging with myself. As I understand it better, I notice more and more when the environments I enter or see are encouraging or are not, and as I talk about it and my understanding flavors my conversation, Brian is noticing it more, too. It's so neat.

Okay, there's another biggest breakthrough, which is that as I've been encouraging Fiora to trust herself, I've finally started opening up to trusting myself. This resulted in a big conversation (no details) where I was willing to trust the things I was feeling, even when sometimes they might be a little contradictory, and have a deeper, more articulate, and more satisfying conversation on this topic than I've ever had before. Pretty amazing.

I feel like as these awarenesses start to click for me, it's more natural and easy to approach Fiora (and other kids and people) with the respect they all deserve, and it FEELS good. I think starting to learn to trust myself is also really helping my ability to connect, with Fiora and the dogs and my patients, and that's been great, too.

Kindof wish I had more stories of Fiora and the family, but this is truly the guts of the month. Hope you are all well!

Love encouragement

Tonight Fi wanted to eat outside, so we took our pesto sandwiches and water out to the deck - usually this is a lovely thing, awakening me to the beauty all around us in our yard and the sky, especially as the land falls away steeply from our deck. Tonight, however, Fiora was the show! Talking, standing on one leg, deciding she wanted to go get her piece of bread which I left on the kitchen counter. So off she goes, only to get distracted by the play horse in the yard. Which is fine, only we have this rule, that once you leave the table you're done with the meal. She asks for permission for meal-related excursions (to get her fork, or some food or drink), and gets it usually, so that's the exception. Anyway, playing means she's done.

So Bri told her that since she was playing, that must mean she was done. She continued playing, then came to the table crying that she wanted to eat her sandwich. It near to broke my heart, her crying today, there was something so distraught about it (and we belatedly realized that her emotional reactions to everything might be a reflection of some big sadness at her daycare family). I didn't want to break the rules, but I could sense something really upset in her that I needed to honor - offered her some water, some soy milk - didn't want them. And then some encouragement - I told her, "The rule is that if you leave the table to play, that means you're done. And we know you can sit at the table for a meal and share our meal with us, you've done it lots of times." Not snide, not judging, not frustrated, but really wanting to encourage her. Bri pitched right in, confirming this observation.

And you know what? When nothing else would settle her, this affirmation of her capability in the face of conflict is what settled her down. It felt so good to have that option.

Not a Good Day, but still Reasons to Celebrate

Fi was cranky, I was cranky. But I was just able to hang on to the vision enough to make some super critical differences in our day, and I'm really really proud of that.

(1) I wanted to take the dogs for a day walk/hike today (they didn't get to go to the blueberry fields with us on Saturday), and usually it's best to do that early in the day before it's hot, before lunch time, before naptime. But yesterday when I proposed going for a walk, Fiora erupted, she wanted to keep drawing. I at least knew how much I hated getting into anger-vibes with her, so I sat still for long enough to realize that I didn't really want to take her on the walk today (too likely to have fusses and for me to get frustrated) and to realize I could walk the dogs during her nap. This, I must say, was a great solution. quiet time at home for cranky people meant less stress and fuss, no child on the walk means we made it all the way to the end of the Reservoir path for the first time in ages AND got to the experience the beauty of the exposed reservoir "beaches" due to how low the water was.

(2) I took Fiora to a work cookout yesterday. At least, what I thought was a work cookout. Only, I got the wrong day. Now, usually, driving 40 minutes on a day I didn't feel like driving, making fresh bread specially for the event, I would've been so pissed off at myself. But after the recent post about buttons, including the one about getting lost (I happened to get lost, too), I found myself able to make the decision that, hey, I made a mistake, wasn't the end of the world, no need to self flagellate and make myself and Fi miserable...and instead we chowed down on fresh bread in the car on the ride home which was FABULOUS, and ate fistfuls of wild blueberries - it was like a car party! That was just amazing...such a blessing to be able to side-step that old trap....ahhhhhhh!

Love Parenting on Track!