Week Seven: More mama tantrums...

Man, some of my buttons are NOT relationship-driven. One of them is losing things. Once they're lost, I'm CONVINCED I can not find. When I do, it's definitely a fluke. Of course, at the same time my mental outlook becomes completely black. It was amazing watching this happen today when I couldn't find my car keys (best bet now is that they fell out of my coat pocket while I was walking/running the dogs in the snow last night - I wouldn't have heard much if they fell in this wet snow, and now they'd be in a plowed snowbank somewhere - don't think we haven't been out to look!). And I didn't know what to do about it. Though at least there was a small victory in the choice NOT to yell at Fiora when she was flailing about screaming that she didn't want to be put on my back (in the carrier) for the walk around the neighborhood to look for them (once the transition was done, as always, she was completely peaceable and capable of conversing again, and she quickly took a lovely nap back there); I just took a deep breath and persisted in putting her up there, didn't apologize for my choice, told her again that it was important for me that she be back there today. That does feel kindof good (though largely overshadowed!).

So...
A: Losing something
B: I am totally incapable of rescuing myself from this situation.
I can never find things once they are misplaced.
I am not a capable person, I am a useless person no matter how hard I try.
C: I wallow in the throes of frustration
I snap at my beloved family, I whine in frustration, I make it difficult to help me
D: Everyone loses things
It can be hard to find things, especially when one is convinced one can't find them
E: Forgive myself for losing things. Over and over again, as many times as I need to. That may be the only way to snap myself out of it. It's the only thing I can think of right now. Who knows where this originated from, but it's definitely useless behavior, and I'd rather start to step away from it.

Right now, husband is rescuing me, and I am grateful. We will get keys tomorrow.