Week Seven: more about praise from NurtureShock

Okay, so I like being thorough, and we got some cancellations at work due to the "snow." (They like the thoroughness at work....!)

During the book club I ran on NurtureShock, one of the other moms who had been a teacher noted that far and away the best way to get the class to settled down was to verbally notice the one kid who was quiet and prepared and ready. No praise, no judgment, just noticing them in a positive tone...and the other kids would really get the message! That surprised me, but in a good way. She talked about how the description was much more powerful for the kids than any judgment calls or emotional reactions.

"Good job" is probably the most common praise I do. But someone at the Mother's Connection of Farmington Conference I went to last year mentioned how her mom said "you DID it!" And I've been using that more, and just noticed how it can really replace "good job." What's really cool about using "you did it"? She can claim it herself - sometimes we hear Fiora in another room saying, "I did it!"

Another research observation from NurtureShock: older kids (beyond 12 or so) perceived praise as an indication that the individual getting praised was actually NOT capable, because they've seen that adults try to raise self-esteem by praising. In contrast, teachers that criticize can be perceived as trusting that the kids can do better, and therefore more positive. Depends on how it's done, of course.

Yet another research observation was that specific praise (about blocking in hockey, or using line of sight during running, whatever) was much more effective than general "good job, good boy" whatever kind of praise. Again, the description aspect seems to help kids (and adults) focus on desirable goals.

Neat stuff. Personal stories next.