Getting my PoT fix

Okay, going and reading just a single post on the forum is settling me down, tempting me out of the rabbit hole I virtually pushed myself into. Maybe it's not all about me being overwhelmed, or her being sick. Maybe I can think of this as power child stuff - I certainly get angry enough. And then feel really guilty - what a sucky combination

The thing that cracked me tonight was my daughter telling me to go get her pajamas from the clean laundry (not yet folded). I resented that, the way it was said, yet had to admit that she was being responsible about her pajamas. If I had kept a clear head, i might have recognized that. I could have admired her desire for pajamas, and asked what "we" could do about the fact that there were no pajamas in her room, invited her into the process - and been a good role model.

Hm, the flaw I can see in that lovely-seeming scenario is my own resentment of needing to do anything _I_ didn't plan that will require my energy. Which means I could've resented having to propose something that would keep me involved for longer. I guess I need to make a choice there. Be willing to spend the little energy and time in the clear-minded pursuit of civility and connection with my child - I've just drifted away from that priority, because nothing outside of me has been keeping me there. i miss reading weekly posts by other blogging mamas; I miss having monthly local meetings. I guess I may need to start visiting the forums more than blogging, at least for a while, to feed my enthusiasm for this amazing job or parenthood.

Poor girl. I've been modeling muddle-headedness and lack of focus, is it any wonder that she's following my lead?

So, my anger. What was it about?

My daughter doesn't respect me, and bosses me about. (I've been requesting questions or please, but we've done that for several months now, and I think it's a good time to stop requesting AND top responding to impolite demands - how's she supposed to learn otherwise!!)
Other option: i haven't responded appropriately consistently to let her know what works well and what doesn't
My daughter is overly demanding and doesn't respect how tired I am (she's also very loving, with kisses and words), even when I tell her (she threw a tantrum the other night because I was getting sore drawing on her easel so said I didn't want to draw the last person she requested) and isn't grateful for what I do
Other option: I haven't been connecting with her much (because I'm tired) and she's missing me (she says so)
Other option: about the drawing, I don't really know! It's great to have her invite us to draw, because she mostly doesn't like us singing. I guess I just ignored that - she sure pouted and everything. Maybe it was like she'd been really cool and invited me to draw with her (her favorite pasttime) and I rejected her after a while? To do nothing, just to sit down! i could see that being confusing. Next time I could offer to draw on a piece of paper on the table or floor, and see if that makes a difference. It is actually fun drawing with her, I really like to do it.

Which brings me to (1) Family Meetings - maybe this is a sign of being tired, but after weeks of pulling off meetings even though I've been tired (trying to get the bedroom back to a restful place, but new bedframe may be disrupting? Maybe it's the varnish? Don't know, so frustrating!), and I was kindof proud of myself for that. This week, though, maybe a sign that we were slipping, it didn't happen. So...either this weekend (sometimes we make it up on a weekend) or next Wednesday, commit anew!
(2) It's possible that part of the reason Family Meeting didn't happen is that we've started contributions, and after a great first week, I've been lackluster about spending 5-10 minutes on contributions every morning. First, it feels like the job of dishes from the table needs work, so if dishes are still on the table i kindof wait for an excuse to do "as soon as" about that, or point them out for her. Then, if I mention contributions and work on mine without any sign of interest from her, I feel like I'm too tired to role model well, like I'll just nag her or something, so I let it slide. Then it's time to get dressed and go to daycare, and my opportunity is gone. I could try using morning gummies as something that occurs after dishes and contributions. I have used computer time (Wiggles, Dora) as only after contributions, but she doesn't ask me for computer time much (much more my husband, and at night he's too busy with dinner to ask for contributions first! and doesn't know if she's already done them).
Well, it's good to write this out. I think I'll read about other people's experiences with contributions on the forum, and start again tomorrow! :)

Mama Crankidom

I don't know what to do. I know I've been feeling sick and tired and unable to rest well kand, now that I think about it, sortof disconnected in some ways (but not in others, which may be why I didn't noticed - in some ways, I'm more connected than ever, though that doesn't mean fully). And when I'm sick and tired, and feeling vaguely overwhelmed, my top priority is to get space and to find something to help me feel better. Which means my fuse is short, and Fiora feels the brunt of that - I just couldn't possibly bear the exhaustion I feel trying to deal with her whiny, illogical requests these days (ah, yes, she could be feeling the effects of illness, too - no obvious signs for any of us - so it's kindof confusing and not clear at all). Of course, I don't think _I'm_ whiny - I'm being clear about my boundaries and my needs, and seeing the threat of falling apart looming and choosing to cut myself off rather than show the example of falling apart.

I'm wondering if there's a better way to deal with mild chronic pain and tiredness. I know sometimes, if I let myself look for a creative answer to things, I get really energized. And I wonder if I'm keeping myself tired somehow. (I can go in circles all day and night wondering these things.) I guess the real question is, do I want to do things differently in my family? Mostly I feel really tired in response, like who thinks of these questions anyways. I wonder if there's a way to be true to myself. It's hard to ignore Fiora right now, but I'm tired enough that I just cut myself off, I don't just ignore her, I cut her lose and wander off happily thinkingn I'm done with that drama - it's different from the feeling of being connecting and caring about her and making a choice to ignore undesirable behavior. Then again, there's the question of when to pay attention to undesirable behavior - if she's sick, is it really okay to expect her to be reasonable and happy and know how to ask requests at age 3?