One of the gifts...

One of the gifts I feel like I've gotten from this process is not to take things personally. Today Fi was being cranky and demanding about precisely what she wanted, and she chose to step out of the room. I went to check on her, and sat with her for a bit then told her I loved her (for no particular reason), and she told me she loved me back. i stepped away, and in a little while she came back in and joined us and was able to accept the offer we'd given her (strawberry jelly on her homemade croissant (!!) rather than licked off the knife). I so admire that both she and I can say that to each other when we're at odds with each other, and from an honest place - she felt so mature at that moment. The moment's disagreement and the fact that we cared for each other were separate issues.

Now to decide what boundaries I want to set about her staying with me when we're shopping or out on a walk/hike... She can be really good, agreeing to go with me on a hike to visit my friends (not her favorite thing), then going back the way we just came (!!) to see if other friends ad arrived, when all along she really wanted to go play in the water on this 90 degree day. After those probably interminable 20-30 minutes, she was no longer willing to follow down the grassy path when the sandy path looked so much faster...and we ended up following her (she was fast!). It was a reasonable choice for her, though the grassy path is a better choice for me 'cause I can let our reactive/unpredictable poodle wander off leash more safely on the latter. In retrospect, she had been really patient, and it seems a reasonable choice both for her to ask for and for us to agree with. Along the way to my favorite water access (not too steep/dangerous), there were several points of access to the water (steep and/or dangerous!) that Fi recognized and requested to follow - when I told her no, all times she reluctantly agreed. And then, we got to the GREAT water access and had a fabulous time. Hurrah! In retrospect, she was incredibly reasonable, and I'm grateful not only for that but for this chance to recognize it in review.

hope all are well out there.

Parenting with Courage

That was a recent topic on momtv. It was sortof about being willing to commit to our choices as parents without having to be completely right, being willing to commit to choices that are true for us as people ("because this helps me be a better parent," "because this is important to me," "because this is the schedule I need us to have today."). At least, that's the gist I got.

And it's been pretty freeing - I hadn't realized how often my personal choices were based on things I'd read, or logical steps I made in my mind about what would be "best" for my child. But in retrospect, the choices we made as parents that were based on what we needed (ex, Fiora's bedtime and her own bed space determined by my husband's need for structure and a quiet bed) have been some of the best (though who knows, maybe that's part of her reluctance to sleep many nights? ;) ). Perhaps more accurate would be to say that those choices were the easiest to follow through with and be consistent about, and often felt the best, on some deep level.

After the topic was discussed, i didn't really think it would affect me too much. But in fact, I'm finding myself making certain decisions that affect Fiora more from my gut and heart, and I can tell how it's easier for her to read me and respond honestly compared to times that I'm waffling about! Wish I had stories to tell, but they're hard to tell...I'm probably saying exactly the same things (about how many times we'll read a book tonight, or what we're eating for dinner, etc.), but I can feel that I'm saying them differently, esp with body language. Anyway, it feels good, and I don't want to forget, so I'm writing it here. nothing like writing things to help solidify them in my life.

Finally - using money!

I'm sure her father and I were looking forward to her first use of money more than Fiora was! We got her a piggy bank for Christmas last year (it comes apart too easily, so it hasn't really served its intended purpose!), a tiny purse for a car trip last summer (cute, but ends up being too hard for her to open easily), and then finally this past weekend I got her a little zip-up purse like the one I use - she was so excited! I think this one is going to work. (She'd already honed her skills on my own purse, so no problems opening or closing this one.) Then...I cheated. Showed her how to put money in her purse, picked a place for it to stay so "we'd" know where it was. Today Fiora said she wanted to use her money to go buy chocolate ice cream. I wanted to get ice cream anyway so we could have family meeting tonight, so voila. We ended up in the car, she brought her purse with her (!), and we went to the farmers market where she insisted on buying raspberries (love it!) - with the caveat that raspberries cost more than she had, I did an oops...allowed her to pay a dollar because she REALLY wanted to (and I love her getting raspberries), and I paid for the rest. (She ate most of the raspberries, though she did share. And told me I should get my own raspberries!)

Then we went to get ice cream, only she saw chocolates that she's wanted to buy every time we go shopping, and she was very excited that "I have money today, momma!!" So, she got chocolate, and we went halvies on the ice cream.

In retrospect, I'm okay with the raspberries (wish I'd had my own basket, though, that was a good suggestion), but should've bought the ice cream on my own. Harder to define ownership of said ice cream, though she hasn't complained.

And had our best ever family meetings - Fiora ALMOST gave an appreciation. She spread her arms wide and said "my mama, my baba!" We'll take it! ;) And didn't try to leave the table at all. Even put her (crumpled) money in her purse on her own (with some suggestions).

So, _I'll_ get better with helping her with money as we go, but she did great today!