Rollercoaster of life

Not externally - life is actually getting more reliable externally. But internally.

Today Fiora and I were not good with each other. My choice-making (what is my goal today? To sleep, which wasn't going to happen, or to have a good relationship with my daughter?), so well used on Wed, seemed to have run out when head-to-head with exhaustion, on both our parts. I couldn't even figure out how to engage in choice making today!! And yet...I mean, I acknowledge the reality of that, it's life sometimes, it gets away from us....and yet....I think I could've found the way to make the choice. Or next time, I could. It's just harder than I realized...and I feel it much more intensely in my heart, and I'm often not willing to go there...yet.

Anyway, on a less esoteric level, talked to my college roommate tonight, and during the conversation realized i knew a few more things about Fiora when she's tired and cranky. (cool) We already knew that (1) she has more trouble with transitions (so we try to prep her a bit more, when we're being savvy and she's tired/sick); (2) she wants to nibble more (hmmmm, that one was going to drive me crazy, but know what? I just realized the same thing about myself this week!!! So, guess I better figure out how to deal with it on my level before I pretend I can give any assistance there!!), rather than eating; (3) she is more absolute about what she wants, less able to be flexible, and really crashes hard if she doesnt get it - though I've stopped doing as much verbal acknowledgment of what she wants, maybe I should start doing that again - at least it's not arguing!

Ah, love our little girl. Took her blueberry picking two hours away in Massachusetts today, it was so beautiful. And, cool observation of the day for Capable Girl: we got home from our CSA this morning, and Fi was singing in the car showing no signs of getting out after I unbuckled her. So, I told her I'd be in the house, took the groceries, and in I went. A few minutes later, I heard the basement door shut solidly - she had gotten out of the car, closed the car door, let herself into the house, and shut the door behind her - hurrah!!!

And tonight, I gave mental thanks to blogger Lori and ? (can't remember who posted about the clocks made of old vinyl records??), because Fiora was playing with her toys when we usually read a book before bed...and Lori's stories of her bedtime with A made it easy for me to ask Fiora if she wanted to play or read. She wanted to play. I told her bedtime would be when the big clock hand pointed to the 5 (showed that to her), and I read the book aloud, and it was so chill and nice. And right before the clock hand was at 5, Fiora was In Charge, deciding where she would sleep - so funny and cute AND capable!! Thanks, y'all, for the astoundingly valuable support AND for the great ideas!!