Uninvested Mom

Dang, what happened today? Am I going through a transition of my own? Moody moody moody, watched myself model poor behaviors and had no clue what else to do, the vision was missing. (And boy, was that reflected in how long it took us to get out of the house today - we're NEVER this slow!!)

Granted, I was going on 6 hours of sleep because I couldn't get to sleep last night, and Fiora woke up around 5:30am, and I always wake up about 20' before she comes in the room. That definitely started the day off poorly. And then seeing Fiora wandering the house with dry cereal, and myself reling on The Wiggles to get a bit of rest in the hopes that I would be a better person for the day, actually just made me worse about the start of the day, know what I mean? I wish I could've stopped, apologized to everyone (husband, daughter, dogs), eaten ice cream in the morning and not felt bad about it, and moved on with a better goal.

I think my goal all day was just to not feel crappy. Bad goal. I did my best when I turned my goal to "clean kitchen sink," "make dinner and zucchini bread." Goals of small vision compared to "build good relationship with daughter," but enough to get my head out of its dark place, apparently. "Walk in woods with daughter and dogs" - too bad I forgot to check the map of the park so I wouldn't get lost, creating a thirsty, tired mom and child, though we did see a lot of awesome forest and the dogs were thrilled to be outside hiking for so long and Fiora really got to show me both that she knew her new shoes weren't for walking in the water with and that she could get them on and off with just a little help (requested) - ooh, discovering another Button of Getting Lost.

Goddess, just writing those few things changed my whole memory-mood for the day!! Let me riff on that and mention that Fiora did also get the orange juice out of the fridge on her own when she decided she wanted some juice this morning with breakfast, realized she couldn't pour it and brought the whole heavy thing right to me with the request for assistance - how could I not have been impressed with that? And she put more dirty dishes onto the counter or sink than I've ever seen her do before in a single day. And when she wanted to take a nap with me in the "big bed," I said okay as long as she could stay quiet (since big bed is often a playground for Fiora!), and she actually achieved that for a long time for her - never did that before - and then when she got restless, she got up quietly and went into her own room! Only ten minutes or so later did she come and loom over me with a big grin (and yes, she can loom, we have no bedframe at the moment). Even then, she waited for my eyes to open before whispering to me! How considerate SHE was all day! Even after I said "yes, I thought I was awake", she still gave me a kiss - which is my request for how she can wake me up, and I love it.