Week nine, part IV: Problem Solving

Such neat stuff, this problem solving. It would be so tempting to be the judge, the mediator, the peacemaker, etc. One of my friends from grad school worked in day care, and they had a technique where they engaged the kids in problem solving when fights broke out - I was really empressed by that idea. PoT takes it even one step further, where the parent doesn't get engaged even in questioning, and take the process to a calmer time (how nice).

Anyway, we haven't engaged in this.

With Fiora.

i DID use it with my husband (blessed man). I was getting really angry about him leaving his stuff in our common areas, feeling the pressure that if I was cleaning, I'd also be cleaning up after him, and I have NEVER wanted to be anyone's maid! He's a turtle, he hates it when I get angry at him. So this time, I told him, "I have a problem. I don't like it when someone who is old enough to pick after themselves leaves things around in our common space. What do you think I should do?" Hm, could've just asked for suggestions, that sounds more communal and less "fix me." He still got upset, but I was much calmer about it. When I'm angry about something (and I'm grateful for my anger, for how it tells me what matters to me), I'm also always wanting him to acknowledge my emotion, and that's been tough for him to do, so we both end up feeling unsatisfied. THIS time, I was presenting a problem, not the emotion, and it was a lot easier for me to present my problem and not get tangled in his emotional response.

Thanks again, Vicki!