We're back...!!

Almost one year to the date since the new little one was born, I finally feel like really tackling Parenting on Track challenges again. Thankfully, we've had some wonderful moments inspired by PoT in the interval. At about 4 and a half, Fi really started doing appreciations, like rich and interesting appreciations - it's amazing, I love hearing what she has to say. Contributions have gone back and forth, were mostly something that had to get done prior to TV/computer on any day, but over the last week or two we've finally gotten into mostly a rhythm that means she's contributing daily. We only once (and recently at that) stuck to our guns about having to do the contribution daily for 4 days prior to starting privileges (TV/computer, and soon playdates). I'm noticing that suddenly she's got real skills, too, and she can even move quickly if she wants to (there's not a lot o inexperience slowing her down) - she's even folding clothes, and I certainly never "taught" her to fold clothes - perhaps at daycare, or perhaps via watching? I've also come to peace with the fact that, for right now, I'm the one who makes family meetings happen. Fi doesn't connect money with power with family meeting yet! And DH is so busy prioritizing other stuff that he comes as close to grumbling as he ever does when I request 5' for family meeting - but he'll always come, for which I'm grateful. But great things have happened, too. I feel like house has been in a constant Do Nothing Say Nothing state lately - I haven't the time to clean up! And Fi's room was likewise. One night, DH mentioned that the mess makes me sad, and perhaps they should team up and clean up - and she totally took the initiative and decided she would clean her room! (And it was a big mess!). I came home and she showed off her work - not a toy on the floor. It was amazing, her discovery of what she could do if she wanted to, and me never having to really fuss about it (fret a bit, yes, but no fussing!). And since then, for almost a week now, she has kept it clean (helps that her contribution this week was bedrooms!), and decided where to hang pictures and how to organize her books - it's so gratifying to see her do it all on her own, and to see her pride in herself. It's like a gift. Add to that that one morning I was too busy to help her with her contribution when she wanted - she went on her own, found a laundry basket, visited the bedrooms and filled it up, then asked for help to take it all downstairs. The girl is independent!! That brings me to tonight, though. Tonight, I finally think I can track it back to - I hurt my back trying to clean and hold the baby at the same time. After that, I couldn't do firm and kind. I was kindof lashing out at anything I could perceive as a personal attack - crazy, huh? Was there a button there.... Activating event(s): child who couldn't listen to me, who couldn't sit still at the table, who was using threats to communicate her frustration and discomforts; and me being in pain and wanting to lie down after cleaning all day. Belief(ves): my child doesn't respect all the work I put into our home (and therefore into supporting her). Consequences of that belief: I feel hurt and belittled, and entitled to (stand up or myself) fight. Disputes of that internal story: my child was really tired, and probably having a tough time dealing with the changes that she knows are coming with kindergarten, especially losing all the time she spends with her current friends who won't be in kindergarten with her. Encourage: that story makes me so much more sympathetic, I could DEAL with the D story; I might still feel like I need to set really clear boundaries to help me get through the bedtime routine and dinner, but I'd really rather look for resources within myself to just get through the night, and perhaps even "make memories." in fact, looking back over tonight, there WERE several good moments: I sent Fi away from the table after dropping food on the floor (not dinner time manners) deliberately, then DH told me she dropped it accidentaly - and I went and said I was sorry, told her what I thought and what DH told me, and asked her if she would join us for dinner again; she said no, and I didn't freak, just brought back her plate and let her make her choices; and a few minutes later, she poked her head around the corner and said she'd decided to join us again; even ate all her veggies and had dessert. And at tooth brushing, she wanted me to help her, but found the resources to brush her own teeth, and even insisted on me checking that they looked clean. What a brave and resourceful child - we do pretty well sometimes. Okay, it's been ages, I want to go visit the other blogs I used to read now!!