Love encouragement

Tonight Fi wanted to eat outside, so we took our pesto sandwiches and water out to the deck - usually this is a lovely thing, awakening me to the beauty all around us in our yard and the sky, especially as the land falls away steeply from our deck. Tonight, however, Fiora was the show! Talking, standing on one leg, deciding she wanted to go get her piece of bread which I left on the kitchen counter. So off she goes, only to get distracted by the play horse in the yard. Which is fine, only we have this rule, that once you leave the table you're done with the meal. She asks for permission for meal-related excursions (to get her fork, or some food or drink), and gets it usually, so that's the exception. Anyway, playing means she's done.

So Bri told her that since she was playing, that must mean she was done. She continued playing, then came to the table crying that she wanted to eat her sandwich. It near to broke my heart, her crying today, there was something so distraught about it (and we belatedly realized that her emotional reactions to everything might be a reflection of some big sadness at her daycare family). I didn't want to break the rules, but I could sense something really upset in her that I needed to honor - offered her some water, some soy milk - didn't want them. And then some encouragement - I told her, "The rule is that if you leave the table to play, that means you're done. And we know you can sit at the table for a meal and share our meal with us, you've done it lots of times." Not snide, not judging, not frustrated, but really wanting to encourage her. Bri pitched right in, confirming this observation.

And you know what? When nothing else would settle her, this affirmation of her capability in the face of conflict is what settled her down. It felt so good to have that option.