Not to mention my own baggage...again. I've been realizing lately that I have this belief that I don't have or don't belong to any community. Funny how long it's taken me to realize I have this belief - the blindness of the inner eye. And not realizing how much my beliefs shape how I interact with the world (thank you, Buttons training, for helping me reach this spot). It's obvious where this comes from: I was a kid with a very sick father and with food allergies all my young social life, so the sharing of food and home that helps bind people together were things I had to eschew...plus I felt like my experiences at home weren't something other kids would understand, so I didn't share my stories, either. But again, I hadn't realized that this had translated into a BELIEF until I started living my life with this new found, parenting-on-track fed awareness.
And of course, I really don't want to model for Fiora this beleif in no community. It's kindof funny, looking back, because once she was born I worked really hard to create a community through FCL (Families for Conscious Living), an on-line and very cool state-wide (and beyond, occasionally) parenting group. I would end my days exhausted and still know I needed to get on line and post something so that people would start to know who I was and so I would feel comfortable enough when I met them. So FCL has also been pushing me to this realization. Heck, I think having a CHILD pushes me in this direction.
I'm not quite sure what to do with this, besides opening up to wondering what it would be like if I DID believe I have and belong in communities, ones I already feel comfortable in (but perhaps haven't fully claimed) like FCL and friends from the past (via facebook, primarily), and ones that are ripe for joining (like my neighborhood). I'm finding I approach people with a whole different energy when I'm conscious enough to pretend I believe this!
So, yet again, I write more about myself than Fiora, but she is my inspiration, over and over again.
In fact, this arose because I realized that I didn't really feel like I was connecting enough, that I wasn't just sitting and being with her...even being in community with my own family can be challenging!
So, seeing and understanding and accepting is the first step.
Stay On the Couch
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… and watch a movie. Hello again. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt
like writing here. Of course a lot has happened while I’ve been away, I
just haven’...
5 years ago
Lizzie! Me too, me too. I have never considered how this might impact my children. How did you channel what was going on for me this weekend??
ReplyDeleteWow, Debby...do you know how powerful it is to post that crap and have someone relate to it? Community already, girl! Thank you for being you and being out there!!
ReplyDeleteLizzie, I belonged to a very strong community growing up, but ever since leaving home I haven't been able to find it again. I've consciously been trying to create/find a sense of community for myself since coming to CT (6 years ago), but just can't get there. For me I don't think it's translated into a belief, but definitely a feeling of loss.
ReplyDeleteReading what you have written, though, I realize there are some other beliefs about myself that hold me back from building my own community. Wow. Thanks for leading me to a new insight!
Congrats to you for challenging your own beliefs and pushing yourself forward!
So affirming to hear you all reflecting a similar experience to my own. Lori, we have been living parallel lives in this respect; I too had a strong community growing up and have been trying to create one in VT for the past 6 years. I have a profound sense of loss, which for me I believe has been a further barrier to creating community...
ReplyDeleteLizzie, thank you for voicing this. It feels like a bit of weight lifted to share it openly, and an inspiration to look at my beliefs around it.
Lori and Tealara, I so hope you will post something about your own thoughts. It feels like such new territory....
ReplyDeleteon a practical side, though, have y'all read about using the internet to help build local communities? http://frontporchforum.com/about/ I'm tempted to try this, maybe using yahoo.... Not quite yet, though.
Lizzie,
ReplyDeleteI'll take some time to look at this, and see if there's something post-able. It feels deep and rich, and I'm curious to see what emerges. Thank you for sparking this!
FCL sounds interesting. The Front Porch Forum is very active in my community. It does help me to feel connected to what's going on; folks post info about local happenings, lectures, music, community garden, etc. If I didn't spend most of my time commuting away from where I live, it would likely be quite helpful in actual community building (or is this just a belief getting in my way?) If you decide to do it, I'll bet Michael Wood-Lewis would talk with you about how he got it up and running...
I think for me it's getting out. I've always been a bit shy. So starting over is hard for me. It's hard to step out and meet people. It's much easier to do that online. Like the connection we've all made with each other! And yet I still find a piece lacking. And that piece is the "in real life" relationship.
ReplyDeleteOur family moved to VT 3.5 years ago. We moved away from our families with no job. And yet I feel like this is where I was always meant to be. When we moved here we had one car. If I wanted to go I had to walk. I went to the library and met a few people. I began to volunteer and met more people. My daughter started school and I met a few more.
One thing I need to do more of is the crucial c's and connecting with my kids. If I spend all my time driving here or there, spend my time looking for community on the internet, I think I've missed the point. My community is here, right where I am. It's about slowing down and be friends the people who I see every day. It's about my kids being important enough to NOT go and do stuff.
That's not to say I shouldn't use the internet to find community. I wouldn't give up the support I receive from all of you for anything. We help each other. We support each other. I think you ladies are great! Thanks for this post. It's really gotten me thinking!
Oh, Sarah! So true! I'm finding that there's more richness available in what I'm already doing, when I'm able to set aside the expectations of what connections are available to me that I built when I was a kid.
ReplyDeleteLizzie, I do feel that connecting online through PonT (as well as MC, tho not as much) has helped me feel like I am *starting* to build a community, albeit first steps. It helps that we all have this shared value system of PonT. The fact that I can get to know people online first before meeting face-to-face is a big factor, too. It helps get over some of my beliefs about myself (that I am not good at making new friends, that I feel uncomfortable in groups of people I don't know, that I don't know how to connect with strangers, and the like.) Not sure I'm ready to dig deeper on this one yet, but it does have me thinking I need to push myself harder to make these connections.
ReplyDelete